I have always been skeptical of self-help books. I figured they all just told you to do basic things like eat right, exercise, make your bed, etc. I must admit, I was wrong about at least two I’ve read so far—especially this one.
I don’t know why I’m surprised. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was written in 1989, 36 years ago, and it’s still one of the most recommended books of all time.
Let me begin by telling a story about another well-known book I once read, The Secret. When I read that, I got all into the fun of manifesting positive outcomes by visualizing them. I created a very nice vision board with all the things I wanted—pasted pictures of items I wished to obtain on the wall of my office. I saw them every day until I began to believe. Years later, when unpacking boxes in my new home, I found the pictures and realized with some amazement that I had acquired all the things in those photos: a nice house with large glass windows, a Tesla, my own company (thus a boardroom table), and even a beach wedding.
It worked. I got everything I had once wanted—but I went about it the wrong way. That’s why I’m here.
I bring up that story because 7 Habits is completely different. It doesn’t focus on the list of things you want. It focuses on the values you hold and the kind of person you want to become.
I assumed it wouldn’t apply in prison, but I was wrong again.
This book took me much longer to read than most, not because of its length, but because of the many deep exercises it asks the reader to do. I’ve come across these “think-and-reflect” parts in many books throughout my life, and honestly, I usually skip them. But this book was different. The exercises made me think differently, open my mind, and shift my paradigm.
The first and most impactful thing it asks you to do is write down your values and who you want to be. It inspires this with an exercise where the reader imagines being at their own funeral and what they’d want their friends and loved ones to say about them.
This task took some time, and it was hard—but I finally wrote my values down. I won’t list them all here, but hopefully you’ll see them shine through my actions going forward. They include loyalty, honesty, service, and love.
Once you know your values, the next step is to write a mission statement. (I’m still working on mine.) From this, you begin to use the 7 habits as a framework to live out your values.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
This habit reminded me a lot of The Secret, but it’s more grounded. Being proactive means understanding that you have the power to change anything in your life through your actions and choices.
One of my favorite stories from this section is about love. A man comes to Covey and says, “I don’t think I love my wife anymore.” Covey tells him, “Love her.” The man is confused. Covey explains that love is not a noun, it’s a verb. The feeling of love is the result of the action of love. You must serve, sacrifice, listen, empathize, affirm—act lovingly in order to feel love.
That changed my entire perspective.
The first 3 habits focus on moving from dependence to independence—setting your own values, setting goals based on those values, and organizing your actions daily, weekly, and monthly to align with those values.
Once you master the first three habits and become truly independent, you are ready for the next level:
Habits 4–6: Interdependence
These habits are about working with others to create something greater than the sum of its parts.
This was a powerful concept for me. People who can’t grasp interdependence often abandon their families or social responsibilities in the name of independence. But those people are often still emotionally dependent—blaming others for their feelings, playing the victim, or giving up when things get hard.
True independence means finding value in yourself. Once you have that, you can partner with other independent people to become interdependent—to build strong marriages, families, or even companies that create real value.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
This is the habit that most self-help books are about. Exercise, eat right, continue to learn, and be socially and spiritually engaged.
Even though the author is a very religious man (and I’m not), his writing on spirituality was very inclusive and secular. He defines spirituality as living with purpose and principles—or being part of a movement that helps improve society. To obtain that level of interdependence, one must:
- Seek first to understand,
- Then to be understood,
- Always look for a win-win solution.
One section inspired me to spend a few moments each day in silence—listening to nature. I took that to heart.
This book is life-changing. It makes a person focus on what truly matters, and what actions are necessary to live a life of values.
I will definitely always keep a copy of this book wherever I live. I want to thank my longtime friend Jayme for sending me this book. It is thanks to her sincerity and support that I’ll be able to use this time of incarceration to its fullest—to truly change my life for the better.
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