I have to say—I give a ton of f*cks about this book. I think this is my favorite self-help book I’ve ever read. And funnily enough, it wasn’t even on my prison book list. It was sent to me for my birthday by my good friend Jaymi. Thank you, Jaymi—I freaking loved it.
The author, Mark Manson, started out in his twenties with a dating blog, which led to a podcast and eventually to writing books. One of the reasons I connected with this book so much is because the author thinks the same way I do. He wanted to work on the web so he could have the freedom to live how he liked—even if it meant he wasn’t always living comfortably. He bummed around 55 countries in six years, living life to the fullest. He’s awesome, but like all of us, he has his problems.
Contrary to the title, this book is about giving a fck—it’s about choosing what to give your fcks to. Where to focus your energy, and where not to. Or as Manson says: pick your suffering. Everyone has problems—the rich, the poor, even celebrities. Suffering is not equal, but we all suffer. If we didn’t, life wouldn’t be worth living. Think about it: if you could have anything you wanted, anytime, with no struggle or contrast, life would become boring. There would be no sweet without the bitter.
So the main focus of this book is choosing your pain—what flavor of suffering you’re willing to endure. A few examples:
- You can suffer being fat and unhealthy, or you can suffer through working out and eating right.
- You can suffer being shy and lonely, or suffer possible humiliation or rejection by putting yourself out there.
- You can suffer at a 9–5 job and have a stable income, or suffer the chaos of running your own business with more risk and possible failure.
This is a philosophy I’ve used my whole life, though maybe not as well as I should have—since I ended up in prison. But I really believe in it.
Here are some of my other takeaways. Some of them I’ve lived by already, and others are brand new to me and I can’t wait to try them out:
“Happiness comes from problems.”
This is one of the truest things. I’ve known it for a while. Programming, for example, is just solving problems—finding creative solutions to get something done. And I love programming.
Even when I used to daydream about being rich (back before I lost everything), I wouldn’t just dream of the money—I’d get into the details: how I’d spend it, what cars and houses I’d get, what I’d give to friends and family. Even in my daydreams, I was solving problems. That’s what made me happy.
“With great responsibility comes great power.”
Yes, it’s the reverse of the Spider-Man quote—and it hits harder this way.
What this means is that when we take full responsibility for our suffering, we gain control over our reality. This is a very Stoic philosophy. It means that no matter what life throws at you—whether it’s your fault or someone else’s—you own it. You fix it. You handle it. Once you start doing that, you become incredibly powerful.
I lived most of my life like that. I always asked myself what I could do to better my life or the lives of my friends. I forgot those values for a couple of years, but they’re coming back to me now.
“Action isn’t just the effect of motivation—it’s also the cause.”
This one was new to me, but I love it.
It’s hard to describe without an example. Say you aren’t motivated to go on a run today. Instead, just decide to walk. The action of walking may give you the motivation to run. The action itself might spark a runner’s high that gives you motivation for tomorrow. Basically, if you’re lacking motivation, just start doing something small. You might surprise yourself.
The book also dives into how our culture confuses attention with real success—something I definitely agree with. There was a chapter about toxic and narcissistic relationships and how to spot and avoid them. That hit home for me, personally.
Overall, this book is just great. My favorite so far out of the 28 books I’ve read in prison. It’s the bee’s knees. Please give these 200 short pages a whirl if you have the time.
5 out of 5 stars
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