Today was one of those days that hits you in waves. It’s Saturday, January 11th, and I just finished cleaning my house—probably for the last time. I’ve always taken a lot of pride in keeping my house spotless. Every week, I sweep, mop, and get everything looking shiny. It’s bittersweet knowing I’ll be leaving this house soon, and it won’t be mine anymore. The government will take it after I go.
This week is going to be rough. Between dealing with the reality of going to prison, packing up my stuff, and prepping for Monday’s moving day, there’s a lot on my plate. Monday will be my self-move, and later on, professional movers will come for the big stuff after I’m gone.
Tonight, I tried to channel some of the overwhelm into productivity. I hit the treadmill for a 1.5-mile jog, followed it up with a 30-minute yoga session, and then spent about an hour and a half deep cleaning the house. It’s strange, but cleaning feels like a ritual—a way to say goodbye.
Now I’m making dinner for me and my dog, Guy, who’s been my constant companion through all of this. Afterward, I’ll wind down the day with an episode (or two) of Banshee. I’ve seen it before, but I always rewatch my favorite shows. They’re like comfort food for my mind, and right now, Banshee feels fitting since it’s helping me get into the mindset of what’s ahead.
As I sit here reflecting, I feel…numb, I guess. A week and a half from now, I’ll be self-surrendering. There’s still so much to do before then, but tonight, I’m just trying to focus on the little things—working out, cleaning, and spending time with Guy. It’s not much, but it’s what’s keeping me grounded.
You are doing great!